Utter Trash--Uncle Scratch's Gospel Revival

God’s Favorite Garage Band

An interview with Uncle Scratch’s Gospel Revival

By Bob Ignizio

L to R: Brother Ed, Jesus, and Brother Ant

Not unlike The Blues Brothers, Uncle Scratch’s Gospel Revival is a band on a mission from God. The band, which consists of Brother Ed (drums, megaphone) and Brother Ant (guitar, vocals), performs songs of sin and salvation in hopes of converting the heathens who frequent Northeast Ohio’s many rock ‘n’ roll clubs. Strangely enough, despite attracting a loyal following, not everyone takes them seriously. I decided to go straight to the source to set the record straight.

Utter Trash: What led you to begin your crusade to save souls in the Cleveland music scene?
Brother Ed: Well Brother Bob, we needed to show the music world how to ROCK!!!! Let's face it, they’re all devil worshipers and they suck.
Brother Ant: Very true. The rock scene is made up of devil worshippers and fallen, evil, sex-starved heathen women. We really only have a problem with the devil worshippers.

UT: Why is USGR simply a two piece? Were you unable to find any other suitable apostles?
Ed: We did have a female bass player (Sister Amber). We had to get rid of her because she has beautiful breasts. We couldn't focus on the music.
Ant: We barely know what we're doing at our live shows. Bringin' a bass player into it would just make more of a mess.

UT: What musical artists influenced the sound of USGR, or is it all just divine inspiration?
Ed: Prince.
Ant: Original style Prince, not “the artist formerly known as Prince”.
Ed: Although we might change our name to "the band formerly known as Uncle Scratch's Gospel Revival".

UT: What other bands of note were you and Brother Ant in prior to forming USGR?
Ed: I can't remember any. Oh yeah, a very brief time with SLAYER.
Ant: I don't remember you playing in slayer.
Ed: Maybe it was "Slaughter" then. Who cares!!!

UT: How would you describe the style of music you play?
Ed: Music to kick the devil's ass to.
Ant: Music that sounds best when your spirit is lost and you mind is f*$*$#ked up.

UT: Are the lyrics to songs like "I Banged a Sinner" and "Back Door Man (No More!)" from personal experience, or are they written about other poor sinners?
Ant: I have to admit (testify my sins) that in my early days I banged a sinner or two (or 20) and here and there had to tell them "I ain't your back door man no more." Chicks like that funny sex stuff. So I’d say they are true.
Ed: Yes they are from personal experiences. You can't preach about the evil's of drinking if you have never had a drink. That's why we drink like fish.

UT: What song on your CD 'Kickin’ the Devil in the Balls' best exemplifies the philosophy of USGR?
Ed: I would have to say "Gimmie Back my Bible." It's got it all; a painful break-up, evil love, and revenge.

UT: Of course the music is only part of the USGR experience. What else goes on at a revival? Has Brother Ant ever been seriously injured while handling venomous rubber snakes?
Ed: Something is always going on. Drums flying around, bottles being broken, hearts broken, loves lost. And the devil running scared like the little hog bitch that he is.
Ant: The other night at the Grog Shop I jumped up on Brothers Ed’s drum kit and came right down, smack in the middle of my crotch, on his megaphone. That did a little damage to me....gave a whole new meaning to the term "breaking balls".
Ed: Plus you smacked your head on the megaphone!!!! A nice little cut on your forehead. Chicks dig blood!!! By the way that's a real snake!!!!! We don't play around. Please kids, don't do this at home!!! Unless you are a devil heathen, and we could care less if you get bit.

UT: Although you're often booked to play at various venues around town, you have also been known to show up unexpectedly and just start playing. Which do you prefer? What sort of problems have you run into when giving spontaneous performances?
Ed: Well, besides the police showing up and cutting our shows short, we do have the occasional club owner running out and telling us to knock it off because we are better than what's going on inside. But the sidewalk shows are very good to us. We play to a lot of people that would never come out to see us. I prefer the sidewalk gigs. We do have some clubs that allow us to play by their restrooms, or by the jukebox. Those are some good shows!!!!!
Ant: I’m all about playing on the street for free because disappointed devil worshippers can't ask for their money back. Once we buy a snow-blower out of the band fund we'll be able to do sidewalk gigs all winter.

UT: Brother Ed, you also own the B-Ware video store which carries a number of films some might say are less than Christian. How do you reconcile this with the mission of USGR?
Ed: Brother Bob, that's not me, that's my twin brother.

UT: On your first CD there's a hidden track that is a cover of Prince's “Purple Rain". Have you incorporated any other covers into your set?
Ant: We play another Prince song called "I Can Never Take the Place of Your Man". We thought it was about placing no one or nothing in front of one’s love for God, but it turns out it's a song about some chick on the rebound wanting to bang her friend. So we may have to drop it from the set.

UT: What do you see as the next step in your battle against evil?
Ed: Find some little indie label that would like to put our tunes out, record a new CD, and hit the road. And witness to some of the lovely ladies that we meet.
Ant: YES SIR, THAT'S RIGHT!

UT: Anything I didn't ask about that you want to mention?
Ed: Why yes, brother Bob, we would like to say that we are one of the greatest bands out right now. And that the devil licks goat balls!!!!! Thank you Brother Bob!!! Just call us "the self-righteous brothers".