Why I Feel Sorry For Tara Reid
by Edward
Black
Tara Reid is an actress. That is, if actress only
means a female who appears in movies. Maybe then I should start referring
to her as a "tress" because she certainly cannot act. Let me elaborate.
Here are a select few credits in her filmography: ‘A Return To Salems Lot’,
‘The Big Lebowski’, ‘Urban Legend’, ‘American Pie’ and its first sequel,
‘Josie And The Pussycats’, ‘Body Shots’, ‘Van Wilder’ and ‘My Boss's
Daughter’. Yes she was pretty hot, naked and riding the fat kid from ‘Stand
By Me’ and she was even pretty funny while talking to her dad while her
boyfriend had oral sex with her in ‘American Pie’, but that's where it
ends. Her greatest acting moment was while pleading for her life in ‘Urban
Legend’. That's it. One small death scene is a sub par late 90's slasher
movie.
One misfire after another and her career might possibly
be on its last legs. I was recently watching her in the horror yawn fest
‘Alone In The Dark’ and she gives one of the worst performances in recent
history as an archaeologist. And I wondered to myself, what would Tara Reid
do if she was no longer allowed in movies? And that is why I feel bad for
her. Because she simply has nowhere to go.
I've got her method down:
Terrified - open mouth real wide.
Scared- open mouth real wide.
Turned on- open mouth real wide.
Amused- open mouth real wide.
The list goes on. And don't think I'm making this shit
up because I'm not. Rent any three of her movies and you will see what I'm
talking about. No joke. And I feel bad for her, I don't know why. Maybe I
feel bad for her in the same way I feel bad for the man I see pulling
himself down the street on a skateboard because he has no legs. Or maybe I
feel bad for her in the way I feel bad for the 8 year old left burned up in
a fire. But I do feel bad for her. She is someone allowed in movies
because she looks OK, and that's it. I'm not mad, I just feel bad. And I
also feel bad for all the talent that will never get a chance because this
vapid airhead is allowed to fill the screens under the moniker "actress".
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