Movie Reviews

She Creature (Columbia/Tristar, 2001)

Directed by Sebastian Guitierrez

One of a series of made for cable “Creature Features” very loosely based on old AIP films, ‘She Creature’ was a bit of a surprise.  With atmosphere to spare and a serious, literary approach to horror not often seen these days, director Sebastian Guitierrez has crafted a delightful dark fantasy. Fans of Hammer films or Roger Corman’s Poe series should be pleased.

 The story concerns carnival huckster Angus (Rufus Sewell) who does a show involving a phony zombie and mermaid (Carla Gugino as Lillian, also the huckster’s wife).  After one performance, an old man (Aubrey Morris as Mr. Woolirich) angrily denounces the act for the sham it is.  After he calms down and apologizies, Angus and Lillian offer to give the man a ride home.  Once there, Woolrich invites the couple in for a drink and proceeds to tell them about the very real mermaid (Rya Kihlstedt) he keeps imprisoned.  At first they think he’s crazy, but when the old man shows them his captive there’s no doubt that she’s the real McCoy. Angus offers to buy the fantastic creature, but when the old man refuses he plots to steal what he sees as his ticket to the big time.  Of course things don’t go smoothly.   Once the mermaid is acquired she turns out to have some dark secrets, and things soon turn nasty.

‘She Creature’  builds slowly.  You get to know and care about the characters before the carnage begins, and the performances are excellent all around.  Gore and effects fans will be pleased by the film’s grisly climax, courtesy of special effects wizard Stan Winston.  Those who prefer their horror with more subtlety should appreciate the literate screenplay and well crafted suspense. 

How to Make a Monster (Columbia/Tristar 2001)

Directed by George Huang

‘How to Make a Monster’ is another good entry in the “Creature Features” series, this one with a more contemporary feel.   Director George Huang also made the black office comedy ‘Swimming With Sharks’.  In this film he continues to explore how modern corporate culture can drive otherwise good people to terrible extremes.

 Three programming experts are hired to make a software company’s new game more intense and terrifying, in particular by improving the game’s  monster.  Hardcore (Tyler Mane), Sol (Karim Prince), and Bug (Jason Marsden), are aided in this task by  demure intern Laura (Clea Duval).  When company CEO Faye Clayton (genre veteran and executive producer of this series Colleen Camp) offers a bonus to whoever provides the scariest element for the game, the three computer whizzes are soon trying to sabotage one another in their pursuit of the loot.  Despite all this infighting, a new monster starts to take shape.  Unfortunately the sort of laboratory mishap that only occurs in the movies unleashes the virtual monster into the real world, and it begins stalking its creators in a real life game of Doom.

 This could have easily been just another brainless time waster, but director Huang manages to keep things from getting too cheesy.  The film’s subtext about the corrupting influence of big money and corporate culture is conveyed well without getting in the way of the action.  As for the Stan Winston-designed monster, it’s well executed if not especially memorable.  While not exactly scary, ‘How to Make a Monster’ is nonetheless a fun watch with more substance than the average genre film.  

The Devil’s Backbone (Columbia/Tristar, 2002)

Directed by Guillermo Del Toro

 Set during the Mexican revolution, ‘The Devil’s Backbone’ tells the story of a young boy left at an orphanage by his resistance fighter parents.  In addition to having to deal with the resident bully, our hero finds himself embroiled in a ghostly mystery involving the death of the boy who previously occupied his bed.  The sense of dread is heightened by the presence of an unexploded bomb shell in the orphanage courtyard.  Although supposedly defused, it nonetheless radiates menace.

 Although movies are usually reluctant to show children in danger, this film has no such qualms.  While the main character tries to piece together the puzzle surrounding the ghost of his predecessor, he and his fellow orphans are continually placed in jeopardy.  Not from the supernatural, but from the hostile world of the living adults around them.  Although the elderly couple who run the orphanage do their best for their young charges, the handyman is another story altogether. 

 Director Guillermo Del Toro (‘Cronos’, ‘Mimic’, ‘Blade II’) imbues his film with a great visual style, and knows how to deliver the sort of subtle scares that made classics out of films like the original ‘The Haunting’ or anything produced by Val (‘I Walked With a Zombie’, ‘Cat People’) Lewton.   Not much here for the gore hounds, but the atmosphere and tone should be enough to produce shivers for most viewers.

Exhausted (MG Media, 198?)

Directed by Julia St. Vincent

 While there’s no point in reviewing most porno films ("the production values were good and the sex was hot," to quote an old SNL sketch), this pseudo documentary from the early eighties on John Holmes should be of interest to any fan of ‘Boogie Nights’.  Not only do you get to enjoy the film’s subject lying his ass off, but you’ll see several scenes “borrowed” almost line for line, shot for shot in P.T. Anderson’s epic about the adult film industry.  His enormous “talent” aside, Holmes’ personality probably had as much to do with his success as his penis. 

 It’s all here.  The cheesy music, the pop art graphic design, the proliferation of pubic hair.  What’s not to like?  Although anyone who’s seen the more honest Holmes documentary ‘Wadd’ knows this movie is a bunch of bullshit, ‘Exhausted’ is still a blast to watch.  In between the dubious stories of the king of porn you get to see numerous clips of the man in action, both “acting” and getting down to business in his prime.  Definitely preferable to sitting through an entire feature of his.

 In the end, Holmes wasn’t just a porn star.  He was an icon for his era.  No one in the adult industry before or since has so permeated the mainstream consciousness.  If you want the truth, or at least a reasonable facsimile, watch ‘Wadd’.  If you want the legend, watch this.