|
‘Anacondas:
The Hunt for the Blood Orchid’ (2004, Columbia/Tri Star)
Directed by Dwight Little
How this managed to get a theatrical release
instead of joining ‘Boa vs. Python’ as a video store premiere is beyond
me. It’s not that ‘Anacondas’ is horrible, it’s just nothing special.
Cardboard characters head down a jungle river in search of the blood
orchid of the title, a flower that contains a substance which slows the
aging process. Unfortunately, it’s mating season for the CGI snakes who
live in the same neighborhood, and they don’t take kindly to having
their coital activities interrupted. This is very much in the B movie
tradition of old jungle pictures. As such, it’s moderately
entertaining. The actors are all competent, the story moves along at a
decent pace, and the effects are serviceable. All in all, a film
perfectly suited for viewing at home when all the movies you really want
to see are out from the video store. (Bob Ignizio)
‘Bill Hicks Live’ (2004,
Rykodisc)
Directed by various
This is a much overdue collection of performances
from comedian/social commentator Bill Hicks. It includes his half hour
“One Night Stand” special from HBO, and two performances previously
released on video in the UK: ‘Relentless’ and ‘Revelations’. In
addition, you also get the documentary on Hicks’ life, ‘Just a Ride’.
Only a few bits are repeated between three performances, and even when
they Hicks changes them enough that you aren’t seeing exactly the same
bit. Hicks wasn’t really about “bits”, anyway. His comedy was more
like a guy just standing on stage and ranting, but in a funny way. He
wasn’t shy about using profanity and touching on taboo subject matter,
but he never did it just for shock value. It was always to make the
audience think. You can see this especially in a routine about using
the terminally ill as movie stuntmen. What starts out as just sick
humor eventually turns into a commentary on how we’d rather just let our
elderly die alone in nursing homes. And somehow, Hicks manages to make
it funny. If you already have all the Hicks CDs, you may be wondering
why you should buy this. Well, not only was Hicks a sharp verbal
comedian, he had a great flair for the visual as well. And although
this material is all over 10 years old (Hicks died of pancreatic cancer
in 1992), it still feels relevant. (Bob Ignizio)
‘Boa vs. Python’ (2004,
Columbia/Tri Star)
Directed by David Flores
Forget ‘Alien vs. Predator’ or ‘Freddy vs. Jason’,
this is just what the world has been waiting for: a showdown between two
direct to video giant snake franchises. Okay, maybe not. Aside from a
few scenes of nudity and some minor gore, this seems tailor made for
airing on the Sci Fi channel on a Sunday afternoon. An evil rich dude
has an enormous python shipped to America so he and his other rich
buddies can hunt and kill it. While in transit the big snake breaks
free and escapes into a water treatment facility. The facility is, of
course, just the same collection of pipes, steam, chains, and assorted
machinery used in every low budget sci-fi/action movie these days. A
hot chick who works with implanting computer chips in dolphins is
recruited by the government to team up with a herpetologist who has a
giant pet boa constrictor. These two dislike each other big time, so
you know they’ll be romantically involved by the end of the movie.
Anyway, the boa gets released in the water treatment facility to battle
the python, and various characters wind up in there as well so we’ll
have a body count. Lots of mediocre acting, lame dialogue, and tepid
action sequences ensue. Eventually we get the promised snake on snake
showdown courtesy of bad CGI effects, but it’s hardly worth the wait.
Not bad enough to be funny, and not good enough to function as a
mindless time waster. (Bob Ignizio)
‘Brown Bunny’ (2004,
theatrical release)
Directed by Vincent Gallo
Vincent Gallo is either loved or hated. His
minimalist films can confuse people. Plus, the cameo's in unlikely
places like Jay-Z videos, doesn't help make the people who think he's a
weirdo think he's less weird. And then there's his music, which I happen
to be a big fan of. His songs can be even more minimalist than his
movies. ‘Brown Bunny’ is Gallo’s big follow up to ‘Buffalo '66’. That
movie was, believe it or not, quite upbeat for Gallo. ‘Brown
Bunny’ was actually called the worst movie ever by Roger Ebert, who
later retracted that when Gallo made some edits. The first hour of this
movie is a slow, home video type journey, where all you see is the back
of Gallo's head for long period's of time. There are some strange and
humorous moments on this journey, though. The end of the movie is where
things get crazy and sad. ‘Brown Bunny’ was hyped for its big blowjob
scene with Gallo and actress Chloe Sevigny. First off, the scene is
really graphic. We're talking X rated porn blowjob scene. However, the
scene that follows really makes that scene even less shocking. It's
truly a sad film that takes you into the mind of someone who lost a
loved one in a truly sick and twisted way. If you are into artsy films
and want to see inside a messed up mind, then check it out. If you are
not able to sit through quiet flicks, then skip. I personally thought it
was pretty good. (Eddie Fleisher)
‘I, Robot’ (2004, Fox Home
Entertainment)
Directed by Alex Proyas
Wow, this actually rises slightly above
mediocrity. My guess is that at some point, there was a better, more
intelligent version of this screenplay. Then Will Smith got attached to
the project. The studio asked for a rewrite to make the lead character
more like the standard issue Will Smith character and to add more
“summer movie” action sequences. Somehow a mistake was made and someone
halfway decent (Alex Proyas of ‘The Crow’ and ‘Dark City’ fame) was
hired as director. So despite the over the top action set pieces, CGI
abuse, and snappy one liners delivered by Smith, there’s still some
substance left to the film. Not a lot, mind you, but enough to generate
some interest. It’s hardly a faithful adaptation of the source material
by Isaac Asimov, but it’s not complete crap, either. (Bob Ignizio)
‘Kinsey’ (2004, theatrical
release)
Directed by Bill Condon
This is a really good biopic about one of the most
controversial figures of the 20th century. Kinsey is of
course the professor who, in the conservative fifties, set out to study
the sexual practices of America. What he found infuriated the
protectors of morality not just at the time, but to this day. Liam
Neeson and Laura Linney are perfect as Kinsey and his wife. I’d expect
Oscar nominations for both of them. And director Bill Condon shows that
‘Gods and Monsters’ was no fluke. He’s got what it takes to join the
short list of contemporary filmmakers worth caring about. 'Kinsey'
doesn't have the same degree of visual stylization that 'Gods and
Monsters' did, but then that wouldn't be appropriate here. While
many movie biographies feel like the Cliff Notes versions of the lives
of famous people, Condon makes his choices on what to include and what
to leave out with a clear theme in mind. It works splendidly, and
leaves the viewer with a good understanding of both the man and his
work. (Bob Ignizio)
‘The Manchurian
Candidate’ (2004, Paramount Home Video)
Directed by Jonathan Demme
I’m as sick of remakes as anyone, but ‘The
Manchurian Candidate’ actually gets it right. The original version of
this film, starring Frank Sinatra, is rightly considered a classic.
This remake is just as good, if not better. In both versions, a group
of soldiers are captured and brainwashed. The soldiers are eventually
released believing one of their number, Raymond Shaw, saved them from an
enemy attack. Both versions involve an assassination attempt on a
presidential candidate to be carried out by one of the brainwashed
soldiers, but beyond that differ substantially. The changes aren’t just
for the sake of change, though: Each film reflects the political
climate in which it was made. Both are highly entertaining thrillers
that make you think. Check ‘em both out if you get the chance. (Bob
Ignizio)
‘Maria Full of Grace’ (2004,
Warner Home Video)
Directed by Joshua Marston
Maria is a pregnant teenager in Columbia, and the
only one in her household who works. When she gets sick at her job and
the boss gives her a hard time about it, she quits. Her family is not
pleased with this, but Maria refuses to go back to her old job packing
roses. Instead, she winds up getting involved with drug smugglers. She
becomes a “mule”, swallowing pellets of heroin that she sneaks into the
U.S. I’m not saying stuff like this doesn’t happen. It does, and it’s
sad. However, this movie didn’t really work for me. Maria just wasn't
fleshed out much as a character, so I never felt emotionally involved.
As for the plot itself, it tries to be interesting and throw a few
twists at the viewer, but it telegraphs them to the point that I always
knew exactly what was coming. The movie gets a little better once
Maria arrives in America on her first smuggling run and things go
horribly wrong, but I never really felt like Maria was in that much
danger. It's an okay drama, but nowhere near worthy of the
critical praise it has been given. (Bob Ignizio)
‘Napoleon Dynamite’
(2004, 20th Century Fox Home Video)
Directed by Jared Hess
I know I’m in the minority opinion on this, but to
me ‘Napoleon Dynamite’ was an hour and a half of beyond dead pan humor
at the expense of a group of uninteresting, unlikable characters. It’s a
film with no point that just sort of meanders around Napoleon isn’t
so much a nerd as he is a spaz. He’s not intelligent and doesn’t have
any skills, ambition, or personality. He’s just a big collection of
annoying habits. His character arc is a flatline. The rest of the
characters aren’t any more interesting, and the movie doesn’t have much
for them to do besides play out their quirky behaviors until the story
arrives at a happy ending that neither it nor the characters have
earned. As I said, my opinion on this one is in the minority. Some
people are even hailing this as a cult classic already. Apparently as
long as a movie is weird enough these days, it gets to be a cult
classic. I’ll be interested to see if anyone is still saying that 20
years from now, or talking about this movie at all. (Bob Ignizio)
‘The
Saddest Music in the World’ (2004, MGM)
Directed by Guy Maddin
‘The Saddest Music in the World’ is all about style
over heart and substance. This (mostly) black & white film has the look
and feel of an old movie, right down to the image being intentionally
scratchy. The performances are completely artificial, and the plot is
entirely contrived. And yet I still feel like my time was reasonably
well spent watching this odd film about an international contest in
which musicians try to perform the most depressing song of all time.
It’s probably more accurate to say that I admired this film than it is
to say I liked it. I certainly have to say I’ve never seen a
movie quite like this, so bonus points for originality. If you’re
interested in cinema as an art form, you’ll probably want to see this.
If you’re more interested in characters and story, my guess is you’ll
find this too emotionally distant and lacking in substance. (Bob
Ignizio)
‘The Stepford Wives’
Directed by Frank Oz
This remake of the seventies sci-fi/horror flick is
a completely muddled clusterfuck of a movie, a film completely devoid of
any clear vision or even a basic idea of how its main plot point works.
In other words, a typical example of high concept Hollywood filmmaking
in the 21st century. The plot concerns the transformation of
strong independent women into exaggerated stereotypes of the perfect
housewife. This is where the problems with the remake begin. In the
original, the “Stepford Wives” were literal robots. The remake,
however, can’t quite seem to figure out what its wives are. The movie
would have us believe that the Stepfordization process only involves
implanting a microchip into the brain. As some of the deleted scenes
show, this must have been a tweak made after test screenings. Even in
the final version of the film, the Stepford Wives still exhibit certain
behaviors and abilities that only make sense if the women are robots,
such as dispensing cash like an ATM. Also, this movie can’t make up its
mind who its target is. At times, it seems to say that the modern woman
has gone too far from her traditional role and needs to be
reigned in. At other times, it puts the blame squarely on the shoulders
of shallow males. In the end, when the evil mastermind is finally
revealed, it feels like a cheap cop-out. Skip this and rent the
original instead. That film has its flaws, too, but at least it knew
what it was about. (Bob Ignizio)
'White
Noise' (2004, theatrical release)
Directed by Geoffrey
Sax
White Noise has been
all over the TV, giving me chills. It's a movie based on the idea of EVP,
electronic voice phenomenon, where people can talk to the dead through
modern technology devices. It stars Michael Keaton (Batman), who we
haven't seen in a movie in a while. It's nice to have him back, he's a
pretty decent actor. White Noise is a very interesting movie, and it
kept me on the edge of my seat the whole time. I will also say This is
the first movie in ages that gave me goosebumps. Yes, it freaked me
out. It explores the idea that while communicating with loved ones is a
nice idea, the reality is that bad spirits are also out there. It also
covers the idea of when it crosses the line into "meddling". This movie
is very good, and I enjoyed it. A lot of these big movies with lots of
commercials and advertising always disappoint me, but this one didn't.
At first it makes you want to go home and see if you can hear dead
people through static, but then it totally makes you NOT want to! Creepy
shit. (Eddie Fleisher)
|
