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Chaotic Alliance, Sex Crimes and the
Downtown Daggers
01-18-06
The Beachland Tavern
Just to get it out of the way, I’ve always loved the
Beacland Tavern. Ever since turning 21, I’ve only loved it all the more.
Almost any other venue in Cleveland is a pain in the ass to get anything
from the bar and rapes you price-wise (I’m looking at you, Shitbody’s).
Meanwhile, the Tavern has Genesee Cream Ale tallboys for $2.
Awesome.
I arrived at about 8:30, grabbed a Scene and sat down
at the bar. “How are you going to piss me off this week, Scene?”
“You know, the same way we always do. We’re gonna
worship weak-ass indie bands, pretend we know something about metal, punk
and hardcore and act like we’re better than everyone on the face of the
earth.”
“Awesome. Let’s go.”
While this meeting of the minds took place, I saw the
first band setting their shit up. They all looked like they were about in
their late-20s/early-30s and were dressed to kill… no, they weren’t killing
anyone in this crowd but I’m sure that was their intention. The drummer was
an unfortunate case: on the fat side of thick with an ultra-hip
pseudo-train conductor hat/shaggy hair combo, some tight jeans and a
snug-fitting, brand new (potentially Kaufman’s-purchased) Stooges t-shirt.
I don’t mean to get so fashion diva on the guy but I think there’s an
unwritten rule of rock that states “hip Fat guys shall not attempt to dress
like skinny hip guys.”
Fashion aside, they played very tight, very bland Rock
and Roll. Take some MC5, occasional fun lead guitar work, a marketing
executive’s idea of Iggy Pop and a mid-life crisis and you too can start
your very own Downtown Daggers!
Can anyone tell me if anyone in Sex Crimes is a
hairdresser? [I believe that I have a 6th sense when it comes to spotting
hair stylist/dressers/Whateverthefuck so if anyone knows SC’s non-rock
vocations please let me know at
damn_handsome1984@yahoo.com.
From what I remember of the Sex Crimes, they played
well. I was too busy sitting at Chaotic Alliance’s merch table drunkenly
yelling about how “these t-shirts were made in [some South American country
whose name slips my mind] by women and children for a dollar a month so for
Christ’s sake buy one so these dudes can buy a van and for the children
and…” Yeah, I was pretty drunk.
By the time Chaotic Alliance played the place was
comfortably full and rarin’ to go. Kids bumped into other kids who bumped
into other kids who bumped into… there was a fun P-rock pit. Tony (vocals)
stomped about and screamed that strange, affecting scream of his and kids
chanted along. Some little bastard busted a stage dive directly on my head
and I was a little pissed but it was none other than Little Jimmy (aka
Shitbag, Mr.Smalls, etc…) so all was forgiven. Then it was over. But it
wasn’t.
I had two amusing mini-conversations in the bathroom
after CA’s set. One was with the singer of the Downtown Daggers. He was
leaving the pee-pee room as I was coming in so I said, “Hey aren’t you the
singer in the Downtown Daggers?”
“Yeah.”
“Like, what’s the average age in your band?”
“Fifteen”, he replied rather unpleasantly.
“No, really.”
Now he was a little salty, “what’s it matter?”
“Nothing, I guess.”
That was the end of that conversation, but the next was
so much better. I was taking a piss and a fellow with a mohawk stepped up
to the urinal next to mine. I noticed that he had a stamp indicating
21+ness. Twenty-one with a mohawk? I don’t know, I don’t really dig
England worship. I guess I’m also an asshole.
I looked over at him and said “excuse me, you’re
twenty-one, right?”
“Uh, yeah I am”, he answered in a friendly way, but I
could tell he was
uncomfortable with talking to a stranger with a dick in
his hand.
“Why do you still have a mohawk?” His response was
classic.
“You know, just, uh, keeping it alive.”
“Keeping what alive?”
“You know, uh…”
“Awesome, man. You keep it up.”
With that, I walked out of the bathroom and eventually
out of the Tavern. Hell of a Wednesday night. (Wolfgang Von Gobblecock)
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